What becomes of the Broken Hearted

Venus RX is all I'm about right now. Learning to work with this energy to benefit me. I've even exploring Mother Nature for comfort and sensuality. Venus is the planet of beauty. All too often we think of this "made-up" sense of beauty that is overly plucked and tucked. Ironed out and perfectly blushed. Yes Venus represents this beauty but she also represents the beauty of Mother Nature. Natural Beauty. 

During this stretch/transition I've gone back and forth of whether I am really doing this transition to natural thing or not. I feel like maybe my reasoning for making that big decision was not clearly defined. And this sort of decision requires a lot of preparation. I thought that going natural would be a transforming choice to embrace my natural beauty. And as I've watched my new growth grow in I'm often faced with some ugly thoughts and feelings. 

I've realized the transformation from relaxed to natural for so many Black women runs deeper than an A++ Hair regimen. The way that we have grown to love and understand our hair in this society is so backwards. And I've felt myself obsessing over hair texture and type. I've fought the good fight in claiming that all black hair is 'Good Hair' except now I see darker feelings towards my own. 

I struggle each day of this stretch/transition to embrace the kinky texture on my hair. But at the same time, I am learning how to love and take care of it. And it's becoming overwhelming. 

The truth that I am coming to is that I may not be mentally or physically ready to take on a full transition from relaxed to natural. It will take a lot of trial and error to re-learn my natural hair. At the same time, I do want to spiritually clean out the dark thoughts that I have about my own kinky hair. 

I'm considering that this will be a stretch and that I might do some long term stretches to prepare to transition. During these stretches I can challenge myself to learn the products that will work well with my natural hair. I can learn and prep and practice dealing with two textures. And I can emotionally prepare to say good by to relaxed hair and embrace my full natural head of hair. This will certainly be a long journey.

 I am willing to take this journey because when I first relaxed my hair at age 13. The relationship I had with my kinky hair was pretty abusive. I could not wait to get rid of it. And when I did have it permed it was a 'burned bridge' kid of energy. I will need to rebuild my relationship with my kinky curls. And it may be a slow process. And I'm okay with that. 

I have come to reason that perming my hair is not an act of self-hate but now of self-love. In 2008, when I started my hair journey, I began developing a lovig nurturing relationship with my hair. And because of this I have been able to enjoy it in ways I never could imagine. I know that when I focus on my hair, I have a really kindred relationship with it. And so even though perming is evil to some. It has a fairly healthy place in my hair regimen. 

Too often, I have heard 'naturals' dispel perming. I have watched documentaries that expose the beauty industry and how harsh it can be. I've desired to be apart of the elevated wave of beauty. But somehow I've confused going natural as being elevated. I've been elevating since the beginning of this hair journey. Yes, I am learning to love my kinky hair again, but I've been putting a lot of loving of my hair already for years. Going natural is about me, and when I incorporate it I will be elevating. As long as I am operating from a place of self love. Some natural women will look down on women who perm, but then color their hair. What makes them any different? Or they will wear sew ins or weaves or wigs. What makes that more elevated than permig your hair? I have come across naturals who claim that because they are natural they are elevated, and yet they are just as ignorant as any other. 

To me it's about how much do you love yourself and know yourself. At the end of the day, we all got work to do when it comes to learning how to love yourself. When we are operating from a place of self-love, I believe there will be no judgements, just a lot of Black women with beautiful kinky, curly, straight or permed hair. We will know ourselves. We will nurture our crowns. And we will build each other up. 

This is my vision. 

The Science of Black Hair

As I've been undergoing this stretch/possible transition, I've encountered a realization about the kind of dedication and commitment it takes to take care of, maintain and style Black Hair. It truly is a Science. And I see now how many Black women who choose to take their 'Hair Matters' into their own hands are Scientists. They are chemists in lab. Analyzing and exploring the texture and style of their hair and how it interacts with other Conditioners, Shampoos, leave-ins (chemicals) etc. I've thoroughly enjoyed being apart of this movement. And I am thinking about writing a blog post about this phenomenon. In fact, I might just get on that right after, 'Decoding The Model Chick' post that I have been slowly producing.

On my transitioning hair, I am getting ahead of myself as I am dealing with at the least, 3 hair textures. And i'm obsessing about my hair type. I really want to understand it, but it will not be an easy road traveled I see. And why is hair type so essential? Well, most would say it doesn't matter. But I think in order to be the excelled scientist of your own hair, understanding your hair type can help you to understand why and which products works best for the kind of styling results you desire.
However, the mere chart of hair 'typing' is foggy. And there isn't quite enough focus on deciphering between the two. Maybe this will be apart of my journey, to truly understand hair type so that I can understand mine.

Detangling, is truly an art. And I have yet to perfect it. However, as much as I am critical of my techniques, I find that I fail to see the good that comes out of my hair styling. I am obsessed over getting my detangling right. I see the new growth is not as detangled when its time to do twists and braids, and the straight ends are detangled, but then right at the line of demarcation, the natural hair spreads and expands the way the hair lays. This spreading or expansion right at the line of demarcation is the true cause of tangled matted hair in stretched/transitioning hair.

As elementary as I am to detangling my natural hair, I have to give myself props. I've been on this hair journey for a few years now, and I have to say confidently that I can style it so it does come out looking decent. I find myself to be highly critical of my hair and I desire internally to perfect it. I think there is a good reason to strive for perfection, but in the interim of where you are and where you'd like to be, its necessary to be happy at where you are so that you can truly be where you would like to be.

I am learning this now. And I see that during this Venus Rx, as I choose to commit my studies of Astrology with my beauty practices, that I will be undergoing the internal process of 'perfect beauty" and what that means and looks like for me.

This will certainly be an interesting phase.

2 day old twist out & better habits

I'm proud of myself this morning as I've often fallen into the trap of just getting ready for work. But I did my hair early today; hours before I go to work. This is about feeling like you are presenting your best self to you and your day; not just your part timer. I am encouraging myself to be even more experimental when it comes for dressing up for my day! 

Today, I did a top Bantu knot on an old braid out. I am enjoying my two textures as I play with the idea of transitioning. I do feel like I'm going to miss my relaxed ends, but I'm curious to give my natural hair a try as she never had a chance. Not in this society. 

HAIR SUPPLIES LIST & YOUTUBE Channel Brainstorm

Okay,

I'm back for real. I've journeyed through my hair since 2009. But now its time to test the limits of my stretch/possible transition to natural. During this period I'm stocking back up on old staples; shampoo, conditioners, leave - ins and oils.

PRODUCTS:

1. EVOO - Remember back on the hair boards? EVOO was the name of the game. Is it still? a New jar of Extra Virgin Olive oil for deep conditioners, pre-poo and seal.

2. AVOCADO OIL - Traycee from 'Keep it Simple Sista' put me onto this. It gives a great slip. A little goes along way. Great for deep conditioners too!

3. Herbal Essence Long Term Relationship - I can't find it anywhere! So i'm on the search for a new staple moisturizer leave-in.

4. Deep Conditioners - Queen Helene (protein), ORS MAYO (protein),

5. Bee Mine products - Always wanted to try from this line.

6. I still got that Huetiful Hair steamer on my wishlist.


REGIMEN:

• Cleansing conditioner bi weekly
• Clarify every 4-6 weeks - pre-poo before
• Deep Condition on dry Hair 1x week <--- protein bi weekly
• Moisturize & Seal nightly 
• Sleep on satin pillow or with scarf or both

YOUTUBE: Brainstorm ideas.

1. Creating a VENUS RX Youtube Channel. In fact, I might call it Venus Retrograde.

• reviewing hairstyles from top you tubers Titles like : "Nina Pruitt' inspired w 3 strand twistout"
• product reviews
• hair transition to natural diary